Karen Fortunati

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The Weight of Zero

Seventeen-year-old Catherine Pulaski knows Zero is coming for her. Zero, the devastating depression born of Catherine s bipolar disorder, almost triumphed once; that was her first suicide attempt. Being bipolar is forever. It never goes away. The med du jour might work right now, but Zero will be back for her. It s only a matter of time. And so, in an old ballet-shoe box, Catherine stockpiles medications, preparing to take her own life before Zero can inflict its living death on her again. Before she goes, though, she starts a short bucket list. The bucket list, the support of her family, new friends, and a new course of treatment all begin to lessen Catherine s sense of isolation. The problem is, her plan is already in place, and has been for so long that she might not be able to see a future beyond it. This is a story of loss and grief and hope, and how some of the many shapes of love maternal, romantic, and platonic affect a young woman s struggle with mental illness and the stigma of treatment.